“TRESPASSERS WILL BE SLAUGHTERED…”
Directed by: Dave Barker
Written by: John Carchietta, John Dombrow, David J. Schow
Starring: Sophie Monk, Tad Hilgenbrink, Janet Montgomery, Alex Wyndham, William Sadler
Music: Frederik Weidmann
Cinematography: Ilan Rosenberg
I was feeling the need to watch a good slasher today and this looked like it would satisfy me. Unique killer, typical “kids go to the woods and get killed” format, and a metafiction storyline. Alas, I was ultimately let down. After watching this I feel like my review of The Shrine may have been too harsh, I can be a bit of a horror snob from time to time, sometimes it takes a really shit movie to set my perspective straight.
The story is that some dude, who’s played by that super douche-y guy from America Pie: Band Camp, is on a mission to track down a horror movie titled The Hills Run Red that disappeared (along with the director and cast) after it was removed from theaters in 1982. Him, his girlfriend and best friend head out to find the director after they track down his daughter who agrees to help them. They end up getting caught in the filming of his latest movie hunted by the very real slasher, Babyface.
Right off the bat my hopes dropped for this movie once I realized who played the main character, something about that dink just bugs the hell out of me. He’s a shitty actor, as is most of the cast. At one point Sophie Monk’s character, the director’s daughter Alexa, talks about how great of an actress she is and it made me chuckle. Oh the irony. Along with the acting being poor all the character’s are super lame and two-dimensional. Alexa, who’s a drug addicted stripper (portrayed poorly), has this almost laughable, corny detox scene (also poorly portrayed).
The missing movie is hyped up to be the most disturbing movie ever made, but the trailer shown in the beginning just doesn’t help support this. It just looks like any other slasher from the 80’s except with some really bad CGI thrown in here and there. Although I admit that the killer does look cool, he’s still kind of lame. A kid whose father slashed his face up sews a doll’s face to his own to feel better about himself, when he’s about to kill you, you’ll hear a baby’s rattle. Seriously?
Is there at least some sweet gore? Nah, not enough to save this film at least. Some decent practical effects, and then there’s some bad CGI. The filming itself is average, nothing noteworthy though, it’s shot like any slasher with a decent budget.
The concept of someone filming a slasher with a real killer and death scenes as a premise would be really cool if it lacked everything else that this movie has. I feel like a movie like that has already been made, I just can’t think of it. Not Cabin in the Woods, because well it’s more complicated than that. Anyways, this movie was lame, I can’t say I recommend it, I’d watch something else instead.