“HEAVEN IS FOR EVERYONE…EXCEPT YOU!”
Category: Horror-Comedy, Retro, Slasher
Directed by: Vito Trabucco
Written by: Vito Trabucco, Shelby McIntyre
Starring: Reggie Bannister, Tim Sullivan, Ron Jeremy, Ivet Corvea, Deborah Venegas
Music: Reggie Bannister, Carlos Vivas
Cinematography: Michael Bates, Neal Trout
From the title and trailer, you pretty much know what you’re in for. A cheesy 80’s slasher homage about a cross-dressing killer nun hacking up members of a Christian camp group. And Ron Jeremy is Jesus. I see no reason not to watch this.
I was honestly surprised by the quality of the film. Despite wearing the typical trappings of a crappy 80’s slasher, it doesn’t quite look as authentic as say Dear God No!, which could easily be mistaken for a film made in the grindhouse era. Technology has come a long way, shooting something on your iPhone looks better than any independent venture shot in the early 80’s. The image is pretty clear and modern looking regardless of the fact that they were working on a small budget. The acting isn’t even that bad. I mean the script is purposely ridiculous and corny, but you can tell that the actors in this are above the amateur level of most B-movie thespians. The script is pretty hilarious by the way, really capturing that hokey retro vibe and full of all sorts of sexual innuendos and lines that are just plain sexual. And of course plenty of humor at the church’s expense. Tim Sullivan as Sister Mary Chopper was just awesome, he really brought some charisma to that role. Christopher Raff as the chubby bible nerd Timmy definitely deserves a mention here as well, he’s every Melvin that you just love to pick on. Then you’ve got your pickle loving priest Father Cummings (Bannister), ditzy devout Jesus chick Brittany (Jessica Sonneborn), libido driven, short gym shorts bro Tad (Matthew Aiden), goth chick Jennifer (Venegas), curious camper Millie (Corvea), lame geeky Vance (Troy Guthrie), and of course the creepin’ Brother Zeke (Jay Fields).
My main gripe with the film was that after the opening kill scenes almost an hour goes by without any action. I still didn’t find myself bored but I also could’ve gone for some more gore. It’s not like you need space for character development in a movie like this. All that really happens is your typical, cheesy summer camp banter and some silly jokes. While I didn’t mind any of that, a kill between those scene would’ve been cool. Other than that, there’s not much to complain about. There’s plenty of fun gore moments courtesy of effects guru Marcus Koch; spilled intestines, decapitations, cunt punting, all that good stuff.
Bloody Bloody Bible Camp is a fun hack em’ up homage to b-horror that could be stomached by a more mainstream horror fan. It’s sort of the splatter genre’s version of Wet Hot American Summer (which is definitely one of my favorite non-horror title). So if you’re into nuns with dicks, perverted priests, lesbian tendencies, going in the backdoor (Jesus Approved) and watching a cast of all of your favorite John Hughes’ stereotypes getting butchered, then this is definitely up your alley.